The Hot Mess of Imposter Syndrome
Hey Boos,
I thought it best to write about what I’ve been experiencing over the last month.
If ya’ll didn’t know, it’s been a month since I launched pre-orders for my new romance, LOVE ME AGAIN. Pre-order here
If I’m being honest, this shit is scary and frustrating. I don’t know how to access reports yet, so I don’t know if there are any orders yet, I had to fix my back cover twenty-times to get it right and I’ve been fighting my own insecurities. Can I really call myself an author? I think, especially with being an indie-author, fighting my insecurities has been the biggest obstacle.
IMPOSTER SYNDROME.
What is it?
Well, when I searched google it brought me to the HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW, which in turn had this definition and link to AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION and they explain that “Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they’re deserving of accolades.”
I kept seeing other writers, pushing their book and their author friends promoting their books, and their fans fawning over their books and I began to think…why not me? Am I not good enough?
I got inside my head a bit harder than usual and that shit isn’t pretty. There was no amount of meditating, saging, or ugly crying in the shower that could get me out of my funk. I even did nature walks, which usually does the trick but nope…I was still questioning it all.
It’s ridiculous to compare myself to other writers and what they are doing because everyone’s journey is different. And it’s true!
In addition to knowing and understanding everyone has their own path, it is wise to remember that what we see on IG isn’t necessarily real life. When I post, I’m being authentic; people get to see me with my son, when I have no make up, when my hair is in knots, and when I’m wearing my pajamas all day. But, I control what people see. I do my make-up, I brush my teeth, I smile so I don’t scare people with my moodiness…I try my best to measure up. And even though I don’t want it to come off that way, and hopefully it doesn’t, it feels phony.
I have to remind myself that sometimes it’s all controlled and people only let you see what they want you to see.
But…When I see what they want me to see, I’m mesmerized by the glitz and successes that I forget my own successes.
I’m happy for everyone succeeding, there is more than enough space for everyone.
I begin to question my own talents and my own way of doing things. Do I really deserve a spot in this artistic space that I’ve chosen? Is there space for me? Am I any good? I can’t think of another word for penis…am I really a romance writer? If I’m asked a writing question, am I allowed to answer it? Who am I to be telling people about romance writing and about my book? All the great feedback and reviews are they valid?
These questions of…I don’t know….not being worthy enough can really stop a girl in her tracks and make her forget what a bad bitch she really is.
Because let’s not get it twisted, I am a bad bitch. I know that I’m a good writer, even if I’m not everyone’s cup of coffee; I’m an iced Caramel Latte and some people want black coffee with no sugar.
I’m funny, intelligent, hardworking, persistent, passionate and I know there is space for me, I’v earned it, I’ve worked just as hard as everyone else….even if I gotta remind myself sometimes.
I know that I’m not alone in this imposter syndrome, so if you’re doubting yourself, if you find yourself wondering if you’re worthy to be in these spaces, just tell yourself, “YES!!!! I AM!!!!!!”
But, if you still find it difficult to shake that feeling, here are some steps to help you out:
My first event and the first time doubt started to set in.
Get yourself out of that environment…if only for a minute.
Take a nature walk, listen to music or podcast, read a book. Just do all the things that make you happy. Sometimes stepping away from a situation that bring up these feelings of unworthiness or feeling like a fraud can make all the difference.
Write that shit down
In the last couple of months, I have found that journaling is one of the most cathartic things for me. I write everything down and ultimately get down to the root of my feelings. It may not make me feel any better in that moment but at least I have a better understanding of the situation and how that affects my mood and thoughts.
Turn off the socials!!!!
Social media is one of the top reasons why I go through this imposter syndrome! I compare myself to others and really begin to question my abilities and the fact that I call myself a writer. So, what do I do? I turn the shit off! The Socials are just some of the most toxic places. I am a bad bitch; if it’s not on my vibration, off it goes.
Talk yourself up
You know all the shit you accomplished? remind yourself of it!!
I remind myself that I self-published 3 books all by myself. I designed a cover, I learned so much about self publishing. I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m creative. People actually paid cash money to support me and my writing. I have good reviews.I’m knowledgable about writing things…I know stuff! I’m actually gaining some traction on this blog that I just started.
I’ve accomplished so much.
I am worthy.
Let go of perfect
Perfect does not exist. No one is perfect. I am not perfect. My writing isn’t perfect. My life isn’t perfect. But I love writing and I love my life. Once I let go of the idea of being perfect the weight of doubt is lifted. I’m not gonna lie…it doesn’t lift entirely but I pull back a bit from trying to do it all to achieve perfection.
All right, Boo. That’s all I have for now. I apologize if this seemed more like a journal entry…But hopefully this helps someone who is feeling what I’m feeling.
Love Always,
J.L.