Stargazing
Stargazing: A short Story
I decided to take a cab home. My life had been an extreme case of highs and lows lately, and I had too much to drink tonight.
Not too much that I didn’t know what I was doing, just too much that the world spun a little bit.
Today was mostly low and I went with some work colleagues to a bar to ward off whatever pessimistic thoughts decided to take up space in my mind.
It’s hard to explain the feeling. My professional life was amazing; I worked as an entertainment journalist, writing about all the juicy Hollywood gossip. It wasn’t my ideal writing job, but it paid more than just the bills. I was able to live this lifestyle of excess that many envied and still I wasn’t happy.
The night was fine, nothing spectacular. I Drank too much, fake smiled too much, fake laughed too much. It was all taking a toll on me.
It didn’t hurt my productivity at work but I could feel the exhaustion settling in. I could feel it in the way I didn’t want to do anything but cry all day for no explainable reason.
A tear fell onto my hand, and I quickly wiped it away.
I must look crazy in my black designer cocktail dress, a crying mess.
My Uber pulled up to my beautiful New Jersey home, where there was no one waiting for me.
No husband. No kids. No dogs. No friends. Nothing.
I thanked my driver and carefully made it out the car and wobbled to my front door.
Then I realized...No purse!
Where was my purse?!
No purse meant no keys!
Ugh! I yelled into the quiet air, frustrated at everything!
I walked away from the door, and because I wanted to cry, I laid on my back on my dewy, front lawn and let it out.
I closed my eyes and cried uncontrollably.
“Ma’am? Are you okay?” A deep male voice asked.
I stopped crying and sat up quickly, forgetting that the world spun when I did that.
I let out a groan. “I’m locked out of my house.” I gestured behind me.
“And you threw a tantrum?” He asked.
I sat up straight and finally looked at the stranger. I recognized him from the house across the street.
“You don’t know me,” I said, agitated that this man thought I threw a tantrum for no reason.
He held up his hands. “You’re right, I don’t know you.”
We looked at each other. Even as the world turned at an excessive rate, I could make out his features. In the daytime, when I saw him walking his dog, I noticed his attractiveness. His caramel skin, dark brown eyes and close haircut. He was tall, with wide shoulders.
At this late at night, it was sexy.
He cleared his throat, bringing me back to reality.
“I left my purse at the bar I was at.”
He nodded his understanding, but didn’t say a word.
I threw myself back. “If you’re just gonna stand there, judging me, please go back home.”
I heard him sigh and felt him sit beside me on the wet grass.
I opened one eye to look at him. “What are you doing?” I asked.
I knew he lived in the house across the street but I didn’t know him.
Stranger danger, anyone?
“I can’t just leave you out here for the wolves,” He said.
I blinked at him. “There are no wolves in New Jersey,” I stated matter of factly.
He gave a small chuckle that sent shivers all over my body.
“So what’s your deal? It couldn’t just be the lock that sent you into a crying lunatic.”
“Okay, calm down, I wasn’t crying that hard.”
He turned to face me. “It’s okay, sometimes people need to let that shit out.”
I sighed. “I’m not happy and I don’t know why.”
He remained silent and I took the chance to keep talking. “I have a great job and nothing else. I—“ The next part was very hard for me to say out loud but for some reason, in the dark, with only the moon and stars and this stranger, I said it, “I tried to kill myself two weeks ago.”
He didn’t say anything and I turned my head to look at him, to see his reaction. All I saw was the outline of his face as he continued to focus his attention on the sky.
I gave him one more glance and laid back down on the grass.
In the dark, I felt his hand reach for mine and squeezed.
And I felt my eyes begin to well up, blurring my view of the stars.
He pulled me close, and held me in his arms as if I were a child. As if we knew each other all these years.
As if he knew, all I needed was silence.
After a few minutes, I pulled away. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know you.”
He gave a soft smile. “Maybe that’s a good thing, it helps to talk to someone you don’t know.”
I nodded. “Maybe you’re right.” I looked at him. “I don’t even know you’re name,” I pointed out.
“Would that make you feel better?” He asked.
“A little,” I answered honestly.
“Tristan Michaels.”
He waited, I guess for me to give my name, but I felt to vulnerable at the moment.
He looked back up at the stars, “So, what happened?” He asked.
How do I explain what happened, when I don’t even know the root of my attempt. “I just thought, why be here if I’m alone? I’m just taking up space. Why be here if—“
I stopped myself. Why was I talking to this person?!
He let me sit in my own silence til I felt that I could continue, “Why be here if no one really cares? So I walked to kitchen, grabbed a bottle of pills...” My mind played a flashback of the scene two weeks ago, I closed my eyes, “The house keeper found me. She called the ambulance and I was admitted into the psych ward for a week. I went to work the day after I was released. No one at work knew anything. They all assumed I was sick.”
“If you weren’t meant to be here, the universe wouldn’t have sent her to walk in on you.”
I laughed through the tears I didn’t know had begun to fall, “You don’t seem like the cosmic hippy dippy type.”
I looked at him in time to catch a smile. “I’m not, but sometimes things happen that we can’t explain, maybe it’s bigger than us,” He said.
I turned back to look at the sky. Maybe he’s right.
We laid for another 20 minutes, not saying anything.
“What are you going to do now?” He asked.
“Besides stargazing with a stranger? I don’t know.”
“Maybe you need some time off to get your mind right.”
I sighed. “Only if it were that easy.”
“Why can’t it be? You have to come first.” I didn’t say anything and he asked, “Where’s your family?”
“I don’t have any. I grew up in the foster system.”
He fell quiet.
The sounds of the crickets chirping and wind blowing was all that could be heard on this late summer night and it was comforting.
“Aren’t you glad you stopped to help me tonight?” I said sarcastically.
“Yes, I am,” He said without hesitation.
I laughed. A big genuine laugh and it quickly turned into crying, “Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked as this stranger pulled me close.
“I don’t know, you needed it,” He answered, as if it were that simple.
It took me a couple of minutes to settle down. After my crying turned into sniffles I rolled back on to my back and looked at the dark sky, “I’m Lola. Lola Jones.”
He smiled. “Nice to meet you.”
I reached out for his hand and squeezed. The moment was interrupted by blinding headlights. Tristan and I sat up. The Uber that I had taken stopped in front of my house. The driver came out with something in his hands. “Miss, you left this in the car.”
He handed me my sequined clutch that I thought I left at the bar.
I reached out to grab it from him. “Thank you so much.” I dumped the contents on my lap and handed the driver a $20. He shook his head. “No thank you,” He said.
I raised my eyebrow and he smiled. “I’d like to think if I lost something of value, someone would return it without expecting something in return.” With that he got in his car and drove away.
I looked at Tristan. “I got my keys back,” I said.
“So, you can get in your house,” He added.
We both stared at each other. I reached out for his hand and laid back down. “I’d rather keep stargazing.”