Just A Friend To You (Jealousy Part 2)

I took a deep breath. “I love you. And that’s why we can’t keep doing this.” He tried to speak and I stopped him. “I’m jealous. I have no right to you. I don’t blame you. We said it was going to be just sex. But…I love you and it’s too much for me. I’m one of many and…I don’t like it.”

Sasha came over with her drink. “Hey, Cat. I didn’t know you were here.”

“I was just saying hi. I’m gonna go.”

Carlos’ face revealed nothing and I felt like a fool.

“Bye,” I said as I walked away.

I didn’t look for Jaz. I headed straight home.

I ugly cried in the Uber.

At least I put my heart out there. Even if it was just for a limited time, and it wasn’t perfect, I loved.

I sat in my dark kitchen, contemplating my life and the unexpected twists it’s taken.

I wouldn’t change any of it.

No regrets.

A timid knock sounded and my heart raced. I knew.

I ran to the door.

Carlos.

We said nothing.

I stepped aside to let him in.

We stood facing each other in an awkward silence. I wasn’t going to be the one to give in. I said how I felt, now it was his turn. When he didn’t move, I huffed, stomped my foot, and began to walk away.

“Cat,” he called out.

I stopped in my tracks and turned. I raised my eyebrow in silent question. This was the first time that I’ve seen him out of sorts. Usually he’s so calm and collective; nothing fazed Carlos.

Now, he stood there unsure of himself. “I don’t know what you want from me,” he admitted.

My anger sprouted. My ears burned from rage. “Are you serious?!”

“I’m dead serious!” His deep voice only amplified his words, making them sound louder than he intended.

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Do you love Ellie?”

“Hell no.” He answered without hesitation as he cast his eyes to the ceiling in disbelief.

“Do you love Sasha?”

Carlos’ eyes cast down and stared directly into mine. The room felt heavy. “I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I did.”

I nodded my understanding. His honesty made me brave enough to ask my next question. “Do you love me?”

I could see the hesitation in his eyes. “What?”

“Do. You. Love. Me?”

He shook his head like he didn’t understand or didn’t want to partake in the conversation. “In what way?”

I threw my hands up in the air and screamed in frustration. “Fuck, Cat. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You! You’re what’s wrong with me?" He stood there motionless. “I’m going to change my question and make it real easy for you. How do you love me?”

His dark eyes darted from corner to corner as if he were trying to find a way out. I wasn’t going to hold him against his will. I was not going to force him to say what I wanted to hear. I waited it out. Seconds felt like days. “As a friend,” he finally answered.

I bit on my lip to keep from screaming at this infuriating man. I never knew that I could love someone so much and want to inflict bodily harm to them at the same time. I couldn’t help the tears that began to burn the back of my eyeballs. The lump in my throat was no help either.

I couldn’t scream.

I had no energy for any of it. I was done. Like…done done. Like fuck this fine ass man and his smooth words and his amazing sex and his gentle and thoughtful ways. Fuck him to the core.

Carlos stepped forward. I jumped back. “No! I need you to leave.” No sooner had those words left my lips did the fountain of tears finally burst.

“Cat, why? What’s wrong with you? Why are you being like this? I told you what is was from jump.”

I just let the tears flow, there was no stopping them. “I know! It’s not your fault, Carlos. It’s all me. You are free to leave. I won’t be a problem. I don’t want to be a problem for you.”

Carlos’ face flamed up and his words began to sputter. I could see the rage shooting out of his eyeballs. “Are you serious?! You don’t want to be a problem, that’s bullshit. You making a problem.”

“Saying how I feel is not the problem. Being honest with myself isn’t a problem. Being in love with a person who doesn’t love you back is a problem.”

Carlos shook his head so fast that I thought it would pop right off. “Stop saying that, Cat.”

“Stop saying what?” I started to walk away into the living room. I just needed distance because even when I wanted to just make him leave and never come back again, I still wanted him. All of him. Mind, body and soul. I heard his footsteps as he stalked after me.

Carlos’ fingers closed around my arm as he spun me around. I looked down at the connection. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. His body only left marks that I enjoyed. “Stop saying you love me,” he said.

I scowled in his direction. “I don’t work for you. I don’t have to listen to you. Is it so bad that I love you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t. We can’t.”

I continued to cry from anger and frustration and sadness. “Carlos, I know we can’t. But it won’t stop me from loving you. Love is unexpected. Love is magical. Love is hard. But I love you.”

“Cat, stop.”

“I’m not telling you to say it. You’re entitled to your feelings. But after a year of fooling around, of telling you my secrets—things I’ve told not a single soul. After laughing with you, playing with you, eating with you, crying with you, celebrating with you, losing with you…of wanting no ones company but yours…I love you.” I wiped my face as best as I could. I knew I looked a mess; mascara probably all over my face…but I didn’t care. “I’m not expecting you to say you love me if you don’t. I could tell it’s not me you want. You enjoy the other two over me. That’s fine. That knowledge hurts but it’s fine. I just—” my voice squeaked out as tears made it difficult to speak. I cleared my throat. “I just— you need to let me go, Carlos. I want you to end it. I can’t be like you. I can’t be heartless. I can’t be cold. I know because of circumstance that we can’t be more. I don’t want more from you. I just want you to know that I love you. If we die tomorrow, I want you to know that I love you and not just as a friend.”

Carlos stood there speechless. It was laughable. This macho man. This player. Mr. smooth operator; Mr. too cool for school. This man who claimed that honesty was one of his better traits…honesty is was paralyzed him into participating in a real relationship. He was pussy.

I looked at him. “I’m done. You can show your way out.” I sat on my couch in an exhausted heap. I slowly closed my sore eyes and laid my head back. My body was still tense but that was okay.

“You think you’re so goddamn innocent,” his voice was low.

“Carlos, stop. I’m done.”

“I’m not.” I heard him stomp towards me but I kept my eyes closed. I wanted to show that I wasn’t bothered, even though ever fiber of my being was very much bothered. How did I let a fuck boy get under my skin so bad?

“Go away.”

“Open your eyes.”

“No.”

“Cat. Open your eyes and look at me.”

His demand sent chills down my spine and I felt my hair on the back of my neck stand on end. He used his dom voice. The one that always made me submit to him without hesitation. I obliged him.

“Good girl,” he rewarded me. His voice was silky smooth. Carlos stood looking down at me, his hand caressing my hair, gently pulling and for a second I forgot that I was standing my ground. When I came back to my senses, I felt myself scowl at him.

“No,” I said firmly.

He stood there puzzled. Unsure of what to do. He probably never had a woman say no. “I need you to tell me you want me. For once tell me you want me. Carlos, do you want me?”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Tell me you want me.”

I could see him bite the inside of his mouth. This had to be a first for him. Someone dominating over him. Someone demanding something from him. I knew he wouldn’t give in so easily.

I sat up, spine straight. “You want me? I need to hear it.”

His gaze caressed my body but he did not move a muscle. “I want you.”

“I need you to say my name.” I was being a brat but I didn’t care.

“I want you, Catherine.”

My chest was pounding from desire but I wouldn’t give in this time. “Goodnight, Carlos.” I dismissed him and reclined once again on the sofa, shutting my eyes once again.

“You can’t be serious,” his voice was menacingly low.

I said nothing and waited for him to leave. “Cat, look at me.” When I still didn’t move, he made his way towards me and wrapped my hair around his fist and pulled my head back. Not enough to hurt me but just enough to startle and arouse me. I looked directly at him.

“You want me to say it?”

“No.”

“You say you don’t but I know you want me to say it.”

I shook my head and his hand fell to his side. No longer was I playing his game. “No. Don’t say it because you’re scared to end this. Don’t say it because you think that’s what I want to hear. Only say it if you mean it.”

He shook his head. “This is fucking ridiculous,” he said, but he still didn’t leave.

“Why are you afraid to love me? What’s so bad with loving me? With loving anybody?” I asked in such a low voice that I didn’t think he heard me.

“Because even if I said it, you still wouldn’t be mine.”

“I will always be yours.”

He scoffed at my answer and sneered in my direction. “You are so naive, you think love will fix everything.”

“Get out.” I began shoving at his chest as the tears once again began to pour.

Carlos dug his heels in. “You think the world is full of sunshine and rainbows and love can fix everything. But it can’t. At the end of the day I’m still be with Sasha, who I’m engaged to, and you’ll be with Max. Max, who is my best friend from birth. You and I end up together and it destroys the only family I’ve known.”

I stopped pushing him. I was exhausted from all of it. He pulled me close and held me tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. “You win, Cat. I love you,” he whispered.

I looked at him through the tears. “Are you saying it because I’m crying on you and messing you your shirt?” I asked.

He flashed his flirty grin, the one that showcased his straight smile that could probably got him out of more problems than he’d care to admit. He shook his head.

“Are you saying it because you want to fuck me?”

The flirty smile melted off his face and he became serious. He shook his head.

“It’s because when I know you’re around I can’t stop searching for you, looking at you. It’s because when you’re cooking or cleaning I just want to mess with you and kiss your neck. It’s because you don’t expect me to be anything than just me. I’ve told you shit too, things that nobody knows. You think I’d tell you that if I didn’t love you?” I sniffled and he continued, “But, Cat, we can’t be more. As much as I want to with all my heart, we can’t.”

I nodded.

I laid my head back on his chest as he stroke my hair. “Then why say it?” I ask.

“Because I want you to know that you loved someone and they loved you back.”

With all my energy, I pushed myself off him and stepped back. I pulled down the thin straps of my dress and let the garment fall to the floor. I stepped out of it and stood there for him to gawk at. My black lace bra, thong and heels forced me to stand up straighter to accentuate my thick curves that were on display to him.

Carlos’ eyes set a my whole body on fire. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“We can’t be and this is the end. So, let’s end this with a bang,” I said.

He nodded with understanding and his nostrils flared. His demeanor went from vulnerable to dom in less than a second. The intensity radiated off his skin and I began to get emotional because this was it. This was the end of it for my life time.

He slowly sauntered over to me. Carlos caressed my breast through the lace, squeezing it gently in his hands. I inhaled deeply at the feel of his touch. He fingers pinched my nipple and I exhaled at the sensation. He kissed my lips, not holding anything back as he bit down on my bottom lip. I small moan escaped my throat. Carlos released me and took a seat on one of my accent chairs. In the dim lighting he looked dangerous. “Take it off.”

Without hesitation I did as I was told and waited for his next command. “Get on your knees and put this in your mouth.” Carlos smirked. He gestured towards his pants but made no move to remove them.

I took my place at his feet, taking my time to unbuckle his belt, unzip his trousers, and pull them down his legs.

His hand began stroking his massive cock.

So slow.

My mouth began to salivate. “You want it?” he asked. He continued to stroke himself, squeezing out some moisture at the tip.

“Yes.”

He dragged is finger down my lip. I nipped at his thumb, sucking it. Carlos groaned, smearing my red lipstick as he did.

Carlos wrapped my hair around his fist and gripped tightly. I extended my tongue out as he brought my head to his dick. “Oh, you’re ready?”

He rubbed his dick against my tongue before I took him completely in my mouth. “Fuck, yes. Go slow. Good girl. Take it down your throat.”

He dick went down my throat and he held me in place as he tried to push it deeper. My eyes watered in an instant as I gagged. Saliva dripped down my chin and Carlos spread it across my face. “You look so fucking pretty with my dick in your mouth,” he praised right before I began sucking him again. I had to push myself off him.

I needed air.

I sucked in oxygen but immediately went back for more. I felt both of his hands on either side of my head as he began to rhythmically fuck my face. “Your mouth feels so good.”

Carlos yanked my hair back, and shoved his fingers in my mouth and down my throat. “Wet them. I want to fuck your pussy with them.”

I gagged one more time on his fingers and laid back against my living room rug. Carlos stood up, undressing himself but barely taking his eyes off me. I kept my legs open for him to see. It was all his. I began to play with myself.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

I ignored his words and continued. “You think your fingers are better than mine?” he asked.

He knelt between my legs and gently rubbed one finger down my swollen pussy. I arched just wanting him to apply more pressure. He did.

He rubbed my clit until I was writhing under his touch. Then his fingers found their way in. First, there was one. In and out. Then there were two and that’s when I felt his tongue on me. My hands flew to his head and it was my turn to hold him in place as his mouth devoured me. His tongue found my spot and didn’t pull back. I felt my nipples tightened and my back arched as I came around his fingers and tongue.

Before I had a minute to recover, Carlos got up from his spot and once again pulled my hair, dragging me into doggy position. I was on all fours with my pussy dripping from my climax. I wanted him so bad.

“Please,” I begged as he admired my womanhood from the back. One finger touched the sensitive area and I flinched.

He pulled on my hair and asked, “Do you want me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me? I need to hear you say my name,” he egged on.

“I want you, Carlos.”

Carlos let go of my hair, spanked me twice on the ass before shoving his cock into my tight pussy. I cried out from sheer pleasure of having him inside of me. He kept drilling into me and I didn’t want him to stop. I felt the burn on my knees but didn’t care.

He gripped my hips, fucking me harder. I felt one hand grip my breast, pinching my nipple to the point of pleasurable pain.

My neighbors were probably wondering what was going on. My moans grew louder as his pumps kept coming.

“Yes!”

He spanked me again and I knew that my ass would be red and sore for a couple of days.

Carlos abruptly pulled out of me and stood up. “Come here, put this dick back in your mouth and tell me how you taste.”

I put his dick in my mouth without hesitation and savored the taste of me. I spit on his dick and used my hands to stroke it.

Once again he wrapped my hair around his hand and dragged me back to the couch. “Now, you have to ride it.”

He took his place on my couch and I jumped right on top. My eyes came down at the sensation of his cock entering me. Why did this feel so fucking good?

I wanted to be his fantasy. His good girl.

I began to ride him fast but his hands gripped my hips to a stop. “You don’t have to bounce,” he growled.

I slowed my pace and ground my pussy on his dick. I felt his fingertips dig in my ass cheeks.

I couldn’t wait to feel the soreness later. A reminder of him.

I felt beads of sweat form on my temples. I wanted to increase the speed because I felt my climax coming, I just needed an extra push.

“You want to come?” he asked.

“Yes,” I squeaked.

“Say it.”

“Please. Please. Please.”

Carlos increased his speed and I came. It washed over my body. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” I chanted.

He flipped me onto my back, which was not an easy feat on this couch. I was still in the middle of ecstasy as he began to fuck me.

“Cat, open your eyes. Look at me.”

I kept my eyes shut.

“Look at me,” he said again.

I opened and stared directly at him. The tattoos, the smirk, the intensity in his brown eyes as he fucked me was too much.

“Oh my God,” I moaned.

I felt the heat building up again. He bent down and captured my nipple in mouth, sucking hard. I came instantly. He pumped some more before abruptly pulling out.

“Come here,” he growled.

I lunged towards him, ready to swallow every ounce of cum he had.

His dick was back in my mouth as he pushed himself towards the back of my throat and came. He held me in place as I struggled to drink it all.

His deep groan sent chills down my spine and I felt him relax and I licked his shaft, not letting any drops go to waste.

He fell to his knees and kissed me deeply.

We pulled back slightly.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”